Excitement and Subdual

I have some great things coming up in my life. 

I will travel alone to the Amazon with no plans except for a flight to one city and then a flight 10 days later out of another city 700 km down the river--and the only way to get there is by boat. 

I get the opportunity to show some family members my domain here in South America. 

I get to spend my grandmother's birthday with her, then I get to spend the evening alone with my mother whom I haven't seen in months, then the next day I get to drive to beautiful upstate NY to see a Phish festival. 


I will come back to 4th of July barbecues in my home town. 

I get to road trip with my little brother and best friend down to my other home.

I will head to one of the most nourishing places on Earth for me. And there I will see many people I love and get to cook for 2 weeks. 


I get to go to the beach with my mother, go backpacking with my father, and soak up the joys of Boston, MA.

I get to see Bob Weir play a solo acoustic show in a theater with only 700 capacity. And I have seats in the orchestra, right next to the sound board. 

I get to relax back in VA before I start the final year of my undergraduate degree and the first year of my Master's degree at a school I love.

Looks like I have some really good things coming up in my life. I am really lucky. I am really privileged. 


But I am only looking towards my future. What about now? Today? Well, I have not been present here in Salvador. When not in class, I spend my days indoors playing music or writing or watching the NBA Playoffs. Which is great--I am really nourishing my creativity and love of sports. But I have closed off from this city in a way. I am not exploring it anymore. I am not going out to be in it anymore. 


So today I am asking for a spark, the same excitement that I have about my future, to strike me in this moment right now. 

And really, my future is just things--great things, but things that do not have the power to make me happy. I and I only have that power.