The Loves of Others

I used to never read anything that anyone sent me. A link, or an interview, or whatever. Even with music or videos--I wouldn't watch them.

Nowadays I check it all out. Cause what is there better than that? A friend sending you something that they think you might like? Something I might never see otherwise? That is love. Reciprocity. And passing it along.

I always dig it, too. 

Things I once said that I know feel differently about:

--I'd prefer misery or bliss over neutrality 
--fuck the truth
--people can't change

Life is a fucking trip man.

Let me talk a bit about Festival do São João:

It is a distinct holiday (2 weeks like all holidays in Brazil--gotta love it) celebrated by people in the Northeast. It is based off of Europe's "Midsummer's" but it has a really specific Brazilian vibe going on. It is all about the harvest, and marriage gets thrown in there too (I guess it is a fertility thing). How can I best describe it...Carnaval is this super commercial huge party. São João is very homey. Everyone dresses up as cowboys and does square dances with accordions and eats lots of food made from corn. It is very redneck and lovely.

Anyways. The music is great, the food is great, the vibe is great, and it is happening right now. I am really digging on it. 

I saw a *free* Gilberto Gil show last night in the city center--wow! This guy is 70 and he really can still sing dance and play. What a joy to be there. I have never seen anything like it--it would never happen in the States like this, at least nowadays...just a big group of people gathered in the city plaza, and a legend playing forró and reggae and samba...and everyone dancing, singing...and the sky, it opened up, and man, it POURED. And we were so wet and happy. 

Contemplating in my last days here, I am happily neither thrilled nor distraught--I am feeling neutral. Looking back at my time here, looking towards the future, and feeling, just, normal, for right now. Which, folks, is really a relief.

One thing is for sure: I have never grown so much in any concentrated period of my whole life. Solitude, independence, and distance.  One of the most important things I've learned is that I do not know everything. I am 21 and I don't need to be older. I don't want to be younger. I am happy to be and happy to continue to grow. 

Other things I've learned:

--it is safe to trust people that I can trust
--don't trust people I can't trust
--the universe is not conspiring to fuck my life up
--feelings are just feelings
--a 6 is better than a 10 in the long run
--things are just things and when we lose them they might come back and they might not
--we always lose them and that is ok
--nothing lasts and nothing really even is here, but we make it work pretty good
--people have more in them than I give them credit for 
--all I need is this mind and body, here
--it is possible to enjoy solitude healthfully without isolating in a way that hurts myself
--God is love


Things I would like to continue to work on:


--trusting people I can trust
--not trusting people I cannot trust
--relinquishing my control and letting things happen as they will
--accepting and really believing that a 6 is better than a 10 in the long run
--lowering my overly high expectations of others
--humility--a great man does not need to know it
--feeling comfortable with selfless generosity (on the giving end)
--self-honesty
--think less
--listen to the lyrics more in music
--as always, and for my whole life, building a closer relationship to the loving God as I understand (it)
--make the list of "things to work on" longer than the list of "things I already know"

My God, my thoughts do not cease to race...


I hope to see some good people back in Lexington (of course, my wonderful family goes without saying). I already know I will in Charlottesville. I hope to meet new people in the latter and not the former. 


"I don't think you sit down and write anything that isn't personal in some way. In the end, all your work is a result of your own psychology and experience." --the personally but clearly not actually unlikely Bruce Springsteen